A Fresh Start

We all need one from time to time. Because time passes and life changes us, but we don't always change with the passing of life.

Sometimes seasons come and go and months become years and we wonder what happened. The answer is simple. Life. And sometimes death.

It's been a long year, and ten months have passed since I last wrote for this blog. During that time I lost a good friend, a few high school classmates, and my mom. But I've gained some insights and hope they will help you as you read them here.

One truth I stumbled across is this: enjoy the time you have because you don't know how much that may be. Notice I said "how much", not "how little."

Too often we focus on the negative. What we don't have. What we've lost. What we will never gain. We remember our desires that have become smoldering passions. We think of the dreams of our youth that are now tattered, faded memories. We recall our gifts and wonder if we've squandered them.

Why do we frame the negatives of our lives when we should develop positive images of life? Because we're human.

And that's why every now and then we need a fresh start.

Rather than focusing on what we haven't done, let's imagine what we can do. Instead of concentrating on how little time may be left, let's think as if today were the beginning of something grand and wonderful. What could you accomplish if you had 30 years left? Or 20? Or 10? Or even 5?

I don't know how to type. But I can produce about 1200 words of usable material in two hours. Then with a bit more time I can proof and polish that work until it's salable. That means if I write 40 hours per week, I can write a book of 60,000 words in about one month.

I've always thought I didn't have enough time. As it turns out, I have plenty. And I intend to use it wisely and enjoy it immensely.

What We Really Want

My friend John reminded me what I know but sometimes forget. And he answered the questions on my mind. Why don't you get what you want? And, what do you want?

He suggested that what I said I want isn't what I really want. In response to the question asked of me in a dream—"Why don't you get what you want?"—I said I wanted to be a teacher known for my compassion. John doubted that to be the truth.

"What you want is what we wanted years ago. Significance." He's right. When we were younger men we dreamed of position and prestige and power. But what we wanted was what most people want. Acceptance. Appreciation. Approval. Applause.

Little has changed with time. We want our lives to count. We want what we do to make a difference. We want who we are to matter. And we want to leave a legacy.

At age 58, that desire drives me. I know time is running out. I often say, "Time is finite and so am I," although I'm not fond of the fact that both are true.

I have even less affection for the notion that only now am I beginning to understand what I want and why. But I do understand now more than ever why I want what I want. And why you most likely want the same thing. Because we tend to want what we think we don't deserve.

It's less about thinking we can't have what we want and more about believing that we shouldn't want the best for ourselves. That to do so is selfish. That we don't deserve good things in life. After all, we know who we are and what we've done. And even when we don't want to admit our failures, much less confess our sins, we often doubt that we deserve as much as we are given.

Maybe that explains why the Hound of Heaven pursues us relentlessly to give us both God's blessing and his blessings. Because as Mitch Albom points out in Have a Little Faith, "Man likes to run from God." But as Adam discovered in the Garden of Eden, we can run, but we can't hide. And when we try, God usually asks another question, "Do you know where you are?"

More often that not I must admit, "I don't have a clue," which is usually followed by, "Please help me." And he does.

I've been fortunate. When I ran, God pursued. When I hid, God searched. When I was lost, God found me. And I'm comforted by the truth. What he has done, he will do—as long and as often as necessary.

Dreams & Desires

In a dream God asked me, “Why don’t you get what you want?”

Regardless of whether a person believes in God or dreams, that’s a question worth answering. And I’ll do that on my next post. But for the moment, consider another question. Is it okay to do what we want?

In the film The Rookie, starring Dennis Quaid, a baseball coach gets a shot at living his dream, playing Major League Baseball. But he’s no longer a young man. And he’s not single. With a wife and children, he has responsibilities. And a question.

He wants to know what you and I want to know. Can we pursue our dreams or do our desires have to yield to our responsibilities? Quaid’s character, Jimmy Morris, turns for help to his father, played by Brian Cox. Jim Morris, Sr. listens, but already knows what he’s going to say. He tells his son what his father told him. “It’s okay to do what you want to do until it’s time to do what you have to do.” (Or something like that.)

But I have another question. What if what you’re supposed to do is what you want to do and what you want to do is what you’re supposed to do?

The problem is that many times we think it’s not okay to do what we want to do. We believe that we must do God’s will or what our fathers or mothers want or what a spouse expects or what we think we should do because we have children or elderly parents or some other responsibility.

I’m not suggesting that we shirk our duties. But I am asking whether or not we have free will.

If we do, then when we pursue our dreams, we aren’t necessarily being selfish. In fact, we may be doing what we were created to do, what we are gifted and talented to do. And there’s nothing wrong with that.

So give yourself permission to dream. Remember it’s okay to desire something for yourself. And then pursue those dreams. If you catch one, you may discover joy you’ve never imagined.

By the way, the film is based on the true story of Jim Morris. If you want to watch a clip that tells part of the rest of the story, click on http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UlRCXhRoYcg and, “Remember who you are.”